The Dreaded Curse of My BFF

It started in High School

Long ago, I had a best friend in high school that I loved dearly. This friend was also someone I fell in love with since middle school. It was not until college that our friendship took a sudden end. He stopped talking to me. We stopped hanging out. The only time he talked to me was when he needed the baseball videos that I took of him in high school for college scouts. That is when I realized that I have a best friend curse. The curse being that when a friend is done using me or I am no longer of use to them, I am ghosted. In high school I would help him do his homework (sometimes he would copy it), I would make sure he had a ride to baseball practice, and I helped him with all his college applications. I fell in love with him in middle school and did not stop having a crush on him, which he knew about, through high school. I put my feelings aside so that we could remain best friends. We both went off to college and that's when everything stopped. Naturally things do stop when you move away from your small town, but I tried reaching out to him. Tried talking to him like we normally did, and I received nothing in return. It was until he tried contacting me about his baseball videos that I realized the only reasons we were best friends is because I would do anything for my friends and he used that against me.

Ghosted

Recently, the curse seems to have struck again when I was out of the blue unfriended by someone who told me if they lost me as a friend it would be devastating. I had been inviting this friend out like normal, but the excuses kept coming. I am not one person who is going to continue chasing after you if you don't put in effort too. Also, I was dealing with my gallbladder issues but I was still trying to make time with my friends. I invited her to our Christmas get together with other friends whom she loved as well. She said she would try to make it, and that was the last I heard from her. I wasn't going to be the one who always reached out. I was tired.

Then one day, I decided to send her a Tik Tok like I normally do. Her name didn't pop up on my friends list, so I tried to search up her name. I found her, of course, and noticed it said follow under name. I thought this was weird because I recently liked one of her videos, because I try to support my friends even if we don't talk everyday. Sitting on this information, I hit follow on her profile and thought it was weird. This lead me to check my followers, she wasn't one of them, how odd... Finally, I looked at Facebook because surely something was going on with Tik Tok and their new update. NOPE, she unfriended me there. After all the things I did in our friendship, I was just ghosted. Used up again and left behind. My kids loved her and my daughter cried when I told her we weren't friends any longer.

Tried Changing

Many times I have realized that people have used my kindness against me and for their own good. It never feels good to realize that people use you. After it happens, I try to change that part of myself and not be used by people again. I didn't want to be that person that always put 110 percent into my friendships, but it is so hard not to show my friends that I love them. After my first friend used me and left me, I really really tried changing. I tried not wearing my heart on my sleeve and I tried not letting people in as much.

The problem with that is I would have missed out on some amazing college friendships! I would have missed out on the friends that are still standing with me even after high school. Every time someone leaves, I think about changing and being different. As I've gotten older though, I realized I don't need to change and I'll have the right friends by my side no matter what.

One thing I told my daughter is that friends come and go, but we shouldn't change our kindness because someone out there is going to need it and appreciate our friendship. Without my kindness I wouldn't have the current friends I have and I wouldn't have the Discord Clubhouse that I love so much. Keep being you, unless you're a jerk.

-with love restoringhope